Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
