is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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