Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
