You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
