I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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