I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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