Pappa wants mamma naked
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
