This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
