I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
