even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
