yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
