no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
