I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize