If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
