Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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