I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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