First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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