I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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