haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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