im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
