Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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