So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
