I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
