I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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