I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
