This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize