I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drake has all the answers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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