haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize