Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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