there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
