I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
