Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
