Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
