i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize