Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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