In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
