Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize