Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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