i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
