I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
