I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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