Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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