Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
