All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
