it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
