She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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