matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
