Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
