I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
