dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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