mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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