it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
