R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so let's talk penis.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
