Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
