i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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