you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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