his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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