I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
