3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
