I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
