the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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