You're my little dorito
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
