Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
