i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
