What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize