i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
