Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
