Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
